Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My first STD was from a foam party
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
