he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
