I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
