TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
