I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
