I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
