The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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