I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
