I just pynch a tree in the face
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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