i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
