I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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