my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
