Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She's the barista slut.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
