Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
