Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
