there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
