My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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