One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I need help removing her.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
