Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
