I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
