they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
