you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
