I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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