I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
