I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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