and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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