So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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