The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
