yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize