So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
