i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
