The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
