Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
