I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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