Jerry, you need to find god
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
