His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
