Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
