omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
