I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
