i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
