After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
