I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
