I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
