One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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