Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize