I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
