You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
