His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
