I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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