What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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