we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
