My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
