her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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