Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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