I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
