two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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