How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He felt like a one man threesome
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
