When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
