well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
