You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
