So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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