Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
