There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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