My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish you could order shots online.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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