I'm jealous of your bromance
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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