Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Are we still banned from the library?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
