Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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