OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
