ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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