Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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