3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
