I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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