He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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