another moral hangover. fuck.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
