More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
